Mommy Guilt

Baby girl loves being held more than almost anything (except for eating). Yes, she will sleep in bed, or for a short time in the Rock n Play, but she likes life best when she’s being rocked and walked around in circles for ages. She’s been fussy this past week, too; if she’s not in motion, she’s not a happy girl. If she’s not attached to a boob, she’s cranky. And though I want to just sit and snuggle with her, and carry her around, sometimes Mama’s gotta pee. You know, or make lunch. Or take a shower.

So I’ve been trying a few new things. And though they are wonderful, I can’t help but feel a little guilty. And this is the first episode of irrational mommy guilt.

We borrowed a swing from some friends at church. And because of the constant movement, Kennedy will even sit in it while she’s awake. Without crying! For at least 15 minutes! This is fantastic, you’re thinking. And it is. But every time I set her down in that swing, and take a two-handed sip of tea or bite of lunch, I feel guilty. She wants to be rocked, and I’m using a machine to rock her. And then I chastise myself, because I so badly wanted her…and now holding her is too tough for me?? These are the thoughts that a plastic contraption stir up.

The pacifier is another source of guilt. Kiddo likes to suck. So much so that she would nurse almost constantly if she could. And I know that, several times a day, it’s just comfort nursing. So, occasionally, when my boobs are killing me and I know she can’t possibly be hungry, I give her a pacifier. And she uses it for about 5 minutes before spitting it out. Just long enough for the crying to stop, me to regain some composure (and maybe apply some lanolin), and her to doze off briefly. So why am I so torn up about those five minutes of pacifier time? Because irrational mommy guilt says “do you know how many women would kill to be able to breast feed? And you’re avoiding it because you’re uncomfortable?”

These are the things I struggle with, though I am fully aware that there is nothing wrong with a swing, a pacifier, or 20 minutes of mommy-time.

What irrational guilt do you struggle with?

3 thoughts on “Mommy Guilt

  1. Oh mommy guilt. I’ve had my fair share. The most recent is being convinced by my husband to put her swing in the neighboring room instead of the living room by the TV like we have had. It’s just this empty space (think it’s supposed to be a sitting area) right off the kitchen…like I literally can still hear the swing and baby without using a monitor. But I felt like we were “banishing” her next door just so we could relax in the living room without worry of waking her. I like her being close and having my eye on her all the time. But my husband was right. We need a balance of having some time…even just those few hours at night…where he and I can talk in a normal volume and watch our shows together. It’s tough because as a mom (I’m a new mom too) you are just consumed and so in to your little baby! But we need to take care of ourselves also I’ve come to learn. It’s okay to feel that. I feel your pain because my little one sleeps best being held or swaddled. I hate swaddling so we used to hold her constantly. Forget eating lunch! Needless to say, we have been swaddling more and it leaves me more rested and ultimately a better mommy. Hang in there. This mommyhood is a trip, huh? 😊

  2. I just went back to work and was feeling totally guilty, especially after the boy’s first week of daycare (3 days, 3 hours) and he was not acting his normal self. I cried and felt like the worst mom in the world. Especially since I tried so long and hard to have this baby boy and now I was/am putting him in daycare for someone else to raise. Now that I have started my second week at work, part time, (his 4th week at daycare) and all is going well, I’m feeling better about it, but would still rather be at home.

    I totally get where you are coming from! We had a bouncy chair that I would put the boy in when I needed a few minutes with both hands. Sometimes it work, other times it didn’t. As for the binkie/paci, sometimes the nips need a break! Ouch!

    Don’t stress! You need to have a happy and healthy momma to have a happy and healthy baby. Plus, they won’t remember the few seconds/minutes of crying when they are older. (I try to tell myself that, but still feel bad. *grin*)

  3. Gosh all of it. But you have to think that it’s important to take care of you, too. Doing so doesn’t mean you wanted her any less. Mine get pacifiers too, if it makes you feel any better 🙂

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