Back. Legs. Shoulders. Neck. Hips. Feet.
I haven’t had a fibromyalgia flare-up in roughly 2 years. There have been a few days on and off where I’ve overdone it, and pay for it in aches and pains. But its been ages since every major muscle, joint and bone in my body is throbbing, stabbing and jolting me with pain.
I’ve lived in the bathtub these last four or five days. Hot water helps, momentarily. So does my heating pad, my gel ice pack, and Rub A535 Ice Gel. Muscle relaxers don’t touch the pain, and even hospital-issued painkillers don’t seem to make a difference.
So why complain about it? I mean, its a chronic condition; I won’t grow out of it. It certainly won’t just disappear. These past five days have been excruciating; I’ve just wanted to curl up in bed and cry (except the curling up hurts).
But really…I have nothing to complain about.
This flare-up might last a few more days. Maybe weeks, possibly months. But the constant, aching pain will eventually become my normal. And there are so many more things that could make this worse. I could be in the position of my Mama, who has not only dealt with sickening pain like this EVERY DAY for the last 7, 8, 9 years, but also battles all sorts of mysterious gastro-intestinal junk. I could be like the thousands of people out there with diseases that don’t provide any relief, and who, after a struggle, succumb to the pain that has wracked their bodies every day.
It could be SO. MUCH. WORSE.
And I am so blessed to be where I am, with the loving husband who is willing to take a reflexology-massage class for me, with the understanding boss who not only gives me time off, but drops small tasks off at my house in case I feel like working, with the mom who pulls out her bag of tricks and gives me dozens of suggestions for momentary relief.
And I look at this whole thing; the fibromyalgia, the infertility, the PCOS, the anxiety and depression…and I can’t let it get me down. Because there is so much more to come. There is so much left that is better, that will bring me joy, and happiness, and hope. And I can sit here and wallow in my misery all I want. Or I can pull up my socks, adapt, and enjoy life the best way I know how.